PREVIOUSLY: Prince Charming searched far and wide for his lady-love, but what he found was Melora - a sarcastic and independent woman of modern mind. Will Prince win her over? Or will Melora finally sic Guardian on him and chase the smarmy prince back from whence he came? Read on, gentle reader, to find out...
A cold and ominous wind blew throughout the land of Rownshire, and out of the mist came a sorceress most foul, the devious and wicked Ariadne. Long, long ago when Prince was but a lad of twenty, he came upon a tower locked tight, and - as Prince is wont to do - he stormed it in search of his Princess. Instead, he found Ariadne, and she scared the trousers off of him, and he barely escaped with his life.
But, alas, the witch found him, and she cried out for him to meet her in the yard of the fortress, lest she burn it to the ground.
Prince: Ariadne, such a pleasure to see you-
Ariadne: Stow it, you fat-headed little toad!
Ariadne: I should rip the skin from your bones!
Prince: But, it's such nice skin!
Ariadne: Shut it!
Ariadne: When you ran away so suddenly, you really hurt my delicate feelings, Prince.
Prince: I am truly sorry, I did not think that you possessed them.
Ariadne: I SAID SHUT IT!
Ariadne: I have come here with a proposal, Prince.
Ariadne: You come back with me to my tower...
Ariadne: You agree to marry me...
Ariadne: I don't stab you in the face...
Ariadne: All is forgiven - slate wiped clean.
Ariadne: 'Tis a good deal, what say you?
Prince: Marry you?
Prince: Gee, let me think about it.
Prince: I am flattered, really I am.
Prince: But you're completely nutters.
Prince: So I think that I will pass.
Ariadne: Wrong answer-
Ariadne: Who in the blazes are you?
Melora: I could ask you the same question, lady.
Melora: Prince, can you take Guardian for a walk later? And the trash needs to be taken out.
Melora: And I think Silver rolled in his own manure again, so, you'll have to brush him.
Ariadne: *plots various ways to kill Melora with just the intense hatred emanating from her eyeballs*
Prince: I would be glad to do all of those things for you, beloved, but I have got a slight problem.
Prince: Melora, this is Ariadne, an evil witch that I met a long time ago.
Prince: She is one giant mixed up ball of crazy. And she wants me to come with her, or die.
Ariadne: Damn right.
Melora: Oh, that's just great, Prince!
Melora: I leave you alone for like, a half a minute, and already some crazy witch wants your head on a pike. I mean, seriously. You are a catastrophe.
Prince: You're so cute when you scold me.
Melora: Time and place, Prince. Time and place. This? NOT IT.
Melora: Okay, look witch. This is how it's going to happen.
Melora: You're going to get the hell off of my front yard, because not only are you crazy, but your makeup is ridiculous
Melora: I am all full up on crazy, ever since Prince started hanging around here, so sorry sister: you've been voted off the island.
Ariadne: You are going to let her speak to me thus?
Melora: Damn right he is.
Ariadne: I will boil the meat from your bones, scrawny woman!
Prince: *is totally psyched that these two women are fighting over him*
Ariadne: I will flay you alive with curses and spells!
Melora: Put your money where your mouth is, wench! Bring it on!
Ariadne: Fine! You asked for it!
Melora: I didn't just ask for it, bitch, I ordered seconds!
Ariadne: I can't even!
Ariadne: Zim-zala-bim abra-cadabra! Amphibius-redundus!
Melora: Is that all you got!?
Melora: Prince? Oh my god, Prince! What did you do to him!?
Ariadne: I turned him into the lowly little belly crawler that he is.
Ariadne: This isn't over, scrawny one!
Melora: I look forward to it, bee-otch.
Melora: The next time our paths cross, you'll be scraping your ass off the ground with a spatula.
Alas our lone heroine pondered their hopeless situation, after taking poor lizardly Prince into the fortress and setting him somewhere safe. She seemed to recall some old books that might help, and spent the next several days trying to reverse the spell that had been inflicted upon poor Prince.
But every book seemed to be a dead end.
Melora: Don't worry Prince, I think I know who can help us.
Melora: Just hang on a little longer.
Melora: Poor little fella, you're actually kind of adorable like this.
Early the next morning, Melora mounted Silver, though she had never ridden a horse in her entire life.
Determinedly, they rode for days across the hills of Rownshire in search of an enchanted spring said to be inhabited by the fae folk and other such creatures.
When at last they found it, Melora breathed a silent sigh of relief, saying a quick prayer for Poor Prince whom she had left back at the fortress while she tried to seek out a reversal to the damage that had been dealt to him.
Looking deep into the mist, Melora called for help, whispering the words that she had heard would summon forth a fairy to her aid.
Just when it seemed that nothing would happen, a fairy materialized out of the mists and walked towards Melora, so graceful and colorful, Melora could scarce believe her eyes.
Melusine: What is it that you seek from me, mortal?
Melusine: It has been many long years since I have last seen one of your pale, fleshy kind.
Melusine: You seem squishier than most.
Melusine: Pardon me, mortal. What can I do for you?
Melora: You can start by reversing the spell some crazy hobag threw on Prince Charming.
Melora: If that's not too much to ask.
Melusine: Of course, but there is something I ask of you in return. Every child that you conceive will receive a blessing from me, no more no less. Are we in accord?
Melora: A blessing?
Melusine: If you do not want my help-
Melora: I do! I agree to your terms.
Melusine: Very well. *POOF*
Melora: Oh god, not again!
Melusine: Relax, and look behind you.
Melora: Say what?
Melora: It is so good to see you... as, you know, you.
Prince: Thank you, truly, my lady. You have rescued me, when it was I who was supposed to rescue you.
Prince: I am pretty sure that I ate flies! It was horrid!
Melora: Well, you're safe now, Prince. So try and put it behind you.
As the fairy walked away she secretly smiled, though what it meant, nobody knew for sure, at least not until the mysterious fairy showed her face again...
Back home at the fortress, Prince expressed his gratitude towards his lady love, thanking her once again for saving his skin.
Melora: I told you already, it's no big deal.
Prince: Nonsense! I owe you my life.
Melora: Well, I kinda got used to having you around.
Prince: Would you like to have me around a little more?
Melora: What are you doing?
Prince: Lady Melora, woman that I love.
Prince: Will you make me the happiest man in all the land by becoming my beloved wife?
Melora: Oh my god.
Melora: LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ROCK.
Prince: This is no rock, my lady. It is a diamond.
Melora: I know that, you lunkhead.
And, because she is clearly insane, Melora accepted Prince's proposal.
They had a magical wedding, with Silver attending as the only witness and guest, but it was still lovely.
They were finally happily ever after!
But, their story was far from over, for a year later they conceived their first child, Lemon Balm. She was doted on by her parents, such a beautiful and delicate child.
Melora and Prince were so happy with their lives together, they had totally forgotten about the Fairy and the promise that they had made to her.
But the fairy hadn't.
She came in the dead of night, with neither Prince nor Melora none the wiser, and she whispered a few words over Lemon Balm's downy head...
And with one final sly smile, the fairy vanished.
Melora and Prince woke with a start, and as they looked at each other from across the baby's cradle, a shiver raced down their spines and a feeling of foreboding crept upon them.
TO BE CONTINUED