A Sorta Fairytale Legacy 1.1.
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Apr. 27th, 2012 | 05:08 pm
Meet Prince Charming, a dashing fellow from a not-so-far-away land, who has dedicated his entire life to rescuing his lady fair, marrying said damsel, and producing many fat babies together until they grow feeble and die. Romantic, eh?
Together with his trusty steed, Silver, Prince traveled far and wide, searching for the fair maiden whom he would rescue and marry, as it was foretold by the court wizard when Prince was just a small child. Unfortunately, most ladies that Prince came upon had already been rescued by their Princes and White Knights, and were already living Happily Ever After with their heroes.
So it came to pass, after years of traveling, Prince came upon a realm that he had never before seen, a misty and magical world that fairly teemed with damsels in distress, or so Prince hoped, in any case.
Finally, Prince came upon a solitary fortress, sitting alone in the mist, and fairly beckoning him onward into its depths to discover its many secrets.
Alas, as Prince drew near, he spied a ferocious beast guarding a chest near the fortress, and with great caution he dismounted Silver, and bravely faced this new threat with a daring gleam in his eye.
As he approached, the mighty beast growled and snapped, but Prince stood firm, bravely scolding it into submission before going in for the kill.
Guardian: Are you freakin' kidding me?
Shh! You're ruining the story, Guardian. Ahem. As I was saying:
The beast had a weakness for Scooby-Snacks, and our brave Prince whipped out a biscuit, bravely putting his hand within biting distance to assuage the Guardian...
And drew forth unto the mysterious chest without further delay.
As Prince opened the chest, it gleamed like fire, and within lay a heart-shaped key-stone, which the Prince could only assume unlocked the way forward towards his lady-love.
Prince approached the door and heaved the keystone into position, a solitary bead of sweat gathering on his brow.
As the stone slid into place, it gleamed with energy, unlocking the door with an audible click.
Bravely, Prince strode forward into the strangely inviting depths of the fortress, and explored his surroundings cautiously.
There was no Dragon's den inside, nor any foul witches or sorcerers, just a bloody boring great-hall. 'Twas most strange, indeed.
Finally Prince came upon a set of winding stairs, and he began to climb, heartbeat drumming with excitement the nearer that he drew up the tower stairs.
And up some more...
Until at the top of the stairs he saw her, his fair-maiden, resting eternally in the darkened tower like a fragile bloom amidst thorns.
Having heard similar stories like this before, Prince knew what to do in order to wake the Princess from her forever-sleep, and it took him only a moment to decide on his course of action.
Prince reached forward, his hand stretched towards the lovely maiden, when suddenly -
Melora: WHAT THE FU-
Melora: Who in the hell are you!? What are you doing in my house?
Melora: You know what? Never-mind, just get out!
Prince: Wait! I am here to rescue you Fair Maid-
Melora: Are you INSANE!?
Melora: You don't just walk into someone's house and go all Hannibal Lector on them when they are taking a nap! What are you, some kind of stalker!?
Prince: Who is this Hannibal? I will kill him immediately!
Melora: Oh my god, I can't even.
Melora: You're not killing anyone, there is nobody to kill, I live here alone, and I wouldn't need your help even if there was somebody here threatening me.
Prince: Surely you jest, milady.
Melora: I wish.
Prince: If what you say is true, then how did you become locked in this tower, if not for me to come and rescue you?
Melora: Look, I wasn't locked in here, I locked the door to keep over-amorous fools from waltzing in here, trying to rescue me. As if you didn't notice, the keys are pretty heavy, so, I keep them in chests, which Guardian is supposed to keep safe, but, apparently you aren't as dumb as you look if you got past him.
Prince: *is an over-amorous fool*
Prince: I gave him a biscuit.
Prince: So, you're going to keep up this whole "I don't need to be rescued" act, am I right?
Melora: It's not an act, you dumb-
Prince: Fret not, fair damsel, I will rescue you and win your heart, you'll see.
Melora: How many times do I have to tell you, I don't need rescuing? And stop calling me "fair lady", and "damsel" and other such nonsense. It's Melora.
Prince: As you wish, milady.
Melora: For the love of...
Feeling sort of sorry for the fool, Melora gave him a room for the night, and as she got ready to go to sleep, she couldn't help but smile a little. What a hopeless dolt.
That next morning Prince awoke, dressed in his heart underwear, and quickly devised a plan to woo the Princess.
He got super pumped after getting dressed, even going so far as to say a few inspirational words:
Prince: You are AWESOME, Prince Charming. Super awesome.
He built Guardian a place to sleep while guarding the keystone -
And filled his golden dog-bowl.
Then he went back into the fortress and cooked the Princess a wholesome breakfast.
Melora: I didn't think that a Prince would know how to cook.
Prince: That's just a myth, we know how to do lots of things.
Prince: You'll see, my lady love, there is more to me than Just a ridiculously handsome face.
Though, try as he might, the Princess remained unimpressed, though she never kicked him out, or set Guardian on him, so Prince took this as a good sign.
Much time passed, and still the Princess remained impervious, though they spent every evening before the fire together, talking or sitting in companionable silence.
Melora: You're creepy staring at me again.
Melora: Seriously, what is your deal? Why do you keep insisting that I'll marry you and be "rescued" or whatever. I'm not even a real Princess, you just keep saying that I am.
Prince: Because you are my one true love, it was written in the stars long before you and I were even born.
Melora: That doesn't even make sense! Whoever told you that was an idiot!
Prince: My court wizard was a brilliant man! You don't even KNOW!
Melora: I'm betting he was just as nuttty as you are.
Prince: Mmm. Nuttier, I think.
Melora: I rest my case.
Melora: Don't you miss your family? Your home? Why do you insist upon staying here and trying to make me into some damsel in distress?
Prince: You are my destiny!
Melora: Not on your life, butthole.
Prince: *sad face*
Melora: Ah, crap. I hurt your feelings. I'm sorry Prince.
Melora: Seriously, I mean it, sometimes my mouth just runs away with me, I am sorry.
Prince: It's okay, milady.
Melora: Hey, tomorrow morning you can go right back to being the creepy stalker that I know and love, okay?
Prince: *gets really, really close* Love?
Melora: Um. Uh. I mean... that is.
Melora: Like, is what I meant to say. Like.
Melora: I, um, I am just going to go to bed, okay?
Prince: Goodnight, my beloved.
Obviously, she was losing her mind...
TO BE CONTINUED
woo hoo! finally after a year of kicking the idea around, i finally knuckled under and started my fairytale legacy. hope you all enjoyed it as much as i enjoyed making it. <3